


Wolftstar drabbles

by imaginemotherofdragons



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Insomnia, M/M, Self bondage, Short & Sweet, Werewolf Transforming, kind of soft, major character death but it's lily and james so it's canon, random wolfstar drabbles from tumblr, self deprecation, short angsty shit basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-05 04:58:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19041598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginemotherofdragons/pseuds/imaginemotherofdragons
Summary: The absolute biggest of thank you’s to my beta-reader @strawberry-mads . I don’t think you guys understand how little of what I write would actually see the light of day without her. Anyway she’s fuckin amazing and the absolute best of friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The absolute biggest of thank you’s to my beta-reader @strawberry-mads . I don’t think you guys understand how little of what I write would actually see the light of day without her. Anyway she’s fuckin amazing and the absolute best of friends.

It was a bad night.

A night filled with a bone deep tiredness, kept at bay by insomnia. A night where that jittery, anticipatory, heart racing edge of anxiety weighed in on every thought. A night filled with muscle cramps and irritating strands of hair. A night where nothing seemed to go right.

So Sirius fucked off onto the roof, into his favorite little alcove off one of the balconies, hidden from the rest of the slumbering world. He dug through his pockets until his fingertips brushed tell-tale square packaging of cigarettes. At least that would give him something to do.

Part of him really, really wanted to wake Remus. He knew he wouldn’t mind, not really. But that wasn’t the point. The point was it’d only been three days since the last full moon, Remus had just left the infirmary yesterday. For fucks sake, Remus could manage sleep all alone after going through such excruciating agony.

The point was Sirius shouldn’t have let everything get so far out of hand. He shouldn’t have let all this meaningless shit eat him up inside. But he did. And Remus could always make it quieter, softer. Nothing made the twisted thoughts silent, but Remus dulled their poisonous edges, softened the lash-like blows they left imprinted on Sirius’ mind, skin.

The war—to wake him or not to wake him—seems to go on for an eternity. At the very least it’s long enough that the cigarette tucked between his slender fingers burned itself out.

That image draws an unpleasant parallel between Sirius and the burned, used up bit of paper. His chest ached hollowly. It was so damn quiet and yet everything made noise. The distant chitter of a bat, the faint groan of an old door closing, soft whispers of the wind through his hair. Too fucking much.

Sirius didn’t make the conscious decision to wake him. He just drifted back to the Gryffindor dorms, to Remus’ room. The fear, this panic, was completely irrational and he knew it. Stupid and childish. Hell, he’d become Animagus, befriended, and fallen in love with, a werewolf. Not to mention survived his cruel and distant family home.

There was no part of Sirius Black that would ever stop fighting back. Even against himself. That fact usually reassured him somewhat, but it was not enough to stop his feet from following the familiar path to Remus’ bed.

Remus slept soundly in front of him, on his side, shoulder shrugged up and covering the lower half of his face. His delicate lashes rested on the tops of those damnably sharp cheekbones, the tangled mess of soft, light brown curls stuck to his forehead in places.

He was so fucking beautiful that sometimes Sirius’ heart couldn’t quite bear it. What if something happened to him? What if one full moon left him with a scar that couldn’t be healed? What if Remus died and left him all alone?

Tears burned Sirius’ eyes, a choked sob caught in his throat. He tried to shove it back but it was like swallowing bile, disgusting and difficult and he didn’t really want to do it. Remus stirred slightly and then his lovely green eyes flickered open. If he was startled by Sirius’ nearness he didn’t show it.

“Pads?”

“Yeah?”

“Something wrong?” Remus pulled himself up and studied Sirius carefully, the warm concern in his gaze easing some unknown sting.

And suddenly the thought of talking about all this shit with Remus was agonizing. He didn’t want to think about any of it anymore, wanted to be normal and carefree for a moment.

“My bed’s too cold and empty.” Sirius whined, adding a flair of drama to the words by flopping into Remus’s bed. For a moment he didn’t think he’d buy it, thought he’d push or prod. But then Remus settled back against his pillow and tugged Sirius’ head into his lap, fingers running through his shaggy black curls with the ease of long familiarity.

He sighed gratefully and hooked an arm around Remus’ leg, head tilted to press a lazy kiss to the inside of his knee.

“So,” Remus mused affectionately, “You come to my room and wake me up, at 4 am, to snuggle?”

Sirius let out a mock indignant gasp, pleased to see Remus playing along with his desire to ignore whatever was eating at him, if only for the night. He pulled himself out of Remus’ arms and flipped over, pinning his lover beneath him, “Are you complaining about it Moony?”

Remus grinned up at him, eyes sparkling roguishly, “Of course not.”


	2. Same Coin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently imprisoned Sirius and Full moon Remus angsty lil thing.
> 
> As always thanks to @strawberry-mads for beta-reading!

They’re two sides to the same coin. Always have been.

**⁂**

He lays his head against the wall.

They're dead.

Lily and James Potter are dead.

The floor is damp.

So are his clothes.

He doesn't care.

Blood trickles down from the split in his brow.

The hollowness inside him has nothing to do with the dementors.

Agony.

That's what this is.

He thought he'd felt it before.

Watching Remus transform and being helpless to stop his pain.

Imagining Regulus on the offending end of their mother's wand.

But none of that compares.

Lily and James Potter are dead.

His Godson is orphaned and abandoned.

It's a full moon tonight.

He can see it through the slats in his cell.

The white sphere rises steadily over the ocean.

**⁂**

Remus tightens the manacles.

His wrists are bleeding and his feet have long since gone numb.

He doesn't care.

He hates himself for wanting Pads here right now.

Sirius Black sold out his best friends.

He got them killed.

And yet Remus still wants to see that smirk.

Hear some stupid innuendo about "his Moony" being all tied up.

Maybe that makes him the biggest monster of all.

The terrible ache builds in his spine.

Bones begin to grind and shift.

Tears stream down his face.

He lets his head slam back against the shack wall.

They're all gone.

**⁂**

Sirius begins screaming.

Fists slamming against stone.

He should've been the one to die.

**⁂**

Remus feels the last bits of control slip away. Really, the pain is a blessing.

Makes him feel something.

**⁂**

The screams of a madman mingle with the pained howl of a wolf.


End file.
